So, a few weeks ago, I said that I would do a blog again, if I got 50 hits in a week. I got like 87, so here it goes. WARNING – i will not withhold my true opinions and emotions. Ever. That being said:
I really feel like I am all alone. I really feel like God has abandoned me to a place in the desert. I really feel like nothing is ever going to happen for LCC, and as her leader, I feel all sorts of inadequacies and overwhelmedness (not a real word). I feel like crap. Drained. Not burned out, drained.
I want so badly for this church to achieve her highest potential, and for God to be glorified, and lifted up.
To make it a little more plain. I feel like I just wrecked my bike, and I am laying on the ground trying to decide whether to get up, or just lay there in pain. I feel like a boxer who is knocked down, and considering whether or not to get up or let the count run out.
I feel tired and alone.
I know that I am not alone.
I know that God is with me, but I just can’t feel it right now.
This is life in the desert. This is where I am right now.
Will I stay here? Doubtful. I know that this is emotional. I know that this will pass, but this is where I am right now. This is the desert. This is ministry. This is life. This is the life of a Christian.
God, please pull me out. Give me the wisdom to know that you are gonna do it. Give me the strength to hold on until you do. I trust you. I need you.
Great description. It is common, as you probably know. I’ve been there. Return there on occasion. Will visit there again, I’m sure.
As a pastor you are on the front lines. The enemy would love to take you out, or at least make you ineffective. Steal your joy… neutralize your passion for Christ. It’s helpful to blog about this… but I hope you have some brothers in your life too. Guys who ‘have your back.’ I’ve found that the way out is through. And when we can’t ‘feel God’ I think He gives us one another to remind us of the stuff we already know. Often I hear His voice through the heart of another.
Hang in there!
I get that. I feel like I fell out of my own car and ran over myself. And I often wonder just how fine the line is between risky faith and stupidity. I’m spending time lately pondering Bill Hybels axiom of “doable hard versus destructive hard”. That concept has helped me many times. We should talk.
Although I really don’t know you – I do know – without a doubt – God put us together. As a mom and a Christian, there are not enough words to express how thankful I am for you and your church. Adam loves it there. He also thinks very highly of you. God gave us so many “Godcomforts” when we left Adam in Liverpool – again – you and your church are at the top of that list.
When satin is throwing lies at you, keep this in your thoughts. Before He created this world He KNEW that you and your church would be a part of Adam and our lives. You are right where He needs you to be planted. Your church is right where it needs to be to reach out for Him. It isn’t about the numbers, it’s about the souls. Planting, feeding, watering, and harvesting. And that is what I see as I read your blog, listen to Adam as he shares. It’s all about His time – not ours.
Thank you for being a warrior for Him – for leading His flock – I love that we belong to His family. God blesses – deby holtschlag